When does it all get better?

I find myself asking this question a lot lately.. When ? When will the transplant be classified successful enough that I can go back to work? When will Harrison stop having monthly bloods, intragam, and reviews with doctors? When will life be normal again? In fact will life EVER be normal again?

This last week has been so up and then down. Immunology review was good. No bloods or toxicology done so I thought that to be a very encouraging sign. But then this week we had intragam and Harrison had the basic monthly bloods done, only to show his damn lymphocyte counts and white blood cell count have dropped by about half of what they were a month ago - IE
his white cell count was 4.5 now it is 2.2 ( so from lowish to bloody terrible) and the lymphocyte count was 0.7 or 0.8 and is now 0.4. In order for this to be considered anywhere near close to normal it will be somewhere around the 4.0 mark.. We are a VERY long way off.

If my self control didn't stop me I would have walked to the Gosford waterfront and screamed.

Instead I visited my work.. and even though it was so wonderful to see everyone there, I walked away thinking when will my life go back to normal? When will Harrison get good counts. Now don't get me wrong I love being at home but I am totally sick of the sight of my four walls.

No car makes it a little worse still, as I am about ready to carjack the next person who drives by me in a people mover... Well maybe not just any people mover, but definitely a late model people mover - there's a nice Chrysler Grand Voyager driving around - and if i'm car jacking a car it may as well be a good one!!! Anyway we've contacted a foundation to try to help us out with a car or at least some money to buy a car so fingers crossed this comes off.... :)

Now in terms of Harrison's counts, I have contacted immunology to help explain the rotten cell counts he has had, and as soon as I know anything I will post it here. Hopefully it is a glitch and he'll have a miraculous recovery and go up a bit too?? Wishful thinking - maybe, but need to focus on something that has a positive edge!

I just need an answer to why? His counts have been really good and have gone up little by little, but now a sudden and quite scary drop in numbers from my point of view. Anyway thought I should add this today as it has been just such a disappointing day.

Tomorrow - hopefully the sun will come out tomorrow, it will stop raining for just 1 day tihs week and answers will make sense.... tomorrow.............